Good sex holds great opportunities for enrichment of relationships:
Sex is far more than just intercourse. We can be enriched by intentionally doing smaller things that are mindful of sex: touching, looking, flirting, sexy talk, kissing goodbye and hello, giving/accepting appreciations and surprises, etc.
Within longer term partnership sex can be expanded, different types of sex can be explored, for example: hot and steamy for passion and release, slow sex for mutual pleasure and sensuality, fantasy sex for enjoyment of secrets and erotic play, “quickies” for relief and comfort, romantic sex for reassurance and love, naughty sex and surprises for excitement and fun. Everyone has fantasies and sexual daydreams, use your imagination!
Sex is a chance to celebrate and delight in difference. Exploring how a different body reacts to various consensual stimuli can be thrilling and arousing; savouring that body and its differences can lead to further stimulation.
Telling and listening about intimate bodily feelings honours partners and aides acceptance of sexual differences. This, in turn, can lead to increased understands, trust and sharing of other vulnerabilities.
Sex is a licence to be healthily selfish for a spell and indulge our own bodily sensations, while at the same time, connecting with our partners. By focusing mindfully on bodily sensations, good sex liberates, gives us a holiday from the drudgery of everyday thoughts and concerns.
Sex can play a very important role in dissolving over-closeness and a sense of merging. With too much cosy over-closeness, our sense of being free can be lost. Consensual sex, where individuals share their own wants rather than being over-aware of the other’s, can re-establish a healthy sense of separateness and autonomy. Some couples resolve disputes through sex. (Some even contrive disputes as a route to having sex!).
Talking about sexual feelings, or lack of them, is important – however difficult that may be. Relationships and our bodies mature and change. Yet, for many, sexual drives continue, so talking about changes, accepting losses and sadness about sex, is important – an opportunity to stay intimate with our partners.
Could you develop your relationship by intentionally exploring some of these issues?
With thanks to Arousal by M Bader,
Mating in Captivity by S Perel,
Sex in Loving Relationships by S Litvinoff
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